Pearl's memories
by salty marco
Summary: Pearl is having a hard time after remembering the moments she passed on homeworld, before Rose let her join the crystal gems
1. Chapter 1

Ok guys I decided to write a Steven Universe fanfic! I love Pearl and Lapis and I already have some ideas for fanfics, hopefully you will like this one and please leave a review.

The blue cascades in Pearls room seemed to have no end, the sound it made, seemed to cover Pearls silent whimpering, she was sitting in a corner of her room, burying her face in her knees, her gem placed on her front slightly glowing, in the dim lighting of the room."Come on Pearl, calm down, you can't let the others see you like this." She slowly tried to stand up, hoping that no one would notice her current state. She glanced into the crystal clear water, tears dropped into it, letting little waves spread across it and her reflection slowly disappeared as she walked away, trying to fake a smile as she went towards the door, washing away her last tears.

She closed her eyes, hoping that no one was there, " Pearl! Your back!"She felt a creep making it's way down her back, Her eyes slowly opened, to see Steven smiling, and running towards her, warm hands pushing her towards him, she smiled down at Steven and patted him on his head, his hair were very soft, he had just dried them after taking a shower, she noticed his smile slowly fading,

"Pearl? Are you sick? You are really cold."

She smiled and broke out in laughter

" Gems don't get sick."

He kinda looked confused first, then he lowered his grip, and blushed, looking down at his stomach when it suddenly grumbled, she went towards the kitchen, she opened the fridge.

"I'll go buy some eggs and milk, tell Amethyst and Garnet that I'm in the supermarket, I will be back as soon as possible ok?"

He smiled and nodded," Ok, thank you Pearl."

She didn't turn around, took a bag and ran as fast as possible outside, he looked again kinda confused at her when he noticed that single drops had fallen onto the ground.

"Hm? Did I say something wrong?"

 _"No you didn't"_

The door to garnet's room opened "It was meant to happen, I don't know what's bothering her, but we should try to let her be for now." Steven was kinda worried, Garnet layed her hand on his shoulder,gazing outside the window in to the deep ocean.

"I hope she is going to be better soon."

 _ **Back to Pearl's view**_

"Why couldn't they drop down just some seconds later..."

She was sitting on the soft sand of the Beach, staring down at the big variety of shells laying all over it, then she slowly grabbed some sand, and started building a little Tower, she decorated it with these beautiful shells, and built a wall, it got a little castle, there were even Sand people living in it, and then a wave crushed threw the wall and destroyed it, making the whole structure collapse.

"It's just like it never existed, I guess natures cruel..." Tears slowly made they're way down, as she tried to rebuild it, but failed.

 _"Nope that was me..."_

She looked up, to see Lapis lazuli, standing in front of her, with blue cheeks.

"Oh, Hii Lapis..."

Lapis expected Pearl to swing at her in rage, but instead she just stayed there lowering her look again, and washing desperately away her tears. But they just kept coming, just like the Waterfall in her temple, then a hand grabbed her's.

"Why don't we build one together?"

Lapis and Pearl weren't exactly best comrades, but since just wanted to build a sandcastle with her, this could have been a chance to get to know each other a bit better, so she nodded and blushed a bit. They just started slowly building the first tower, but another wave instantly destroyed it, and Pearl kicked the water in anger, she needed to let her rage out, but she was still crying, and she had her eyes closed. Lapis couldn't watch her suffer any longer so she just asked.

"Pearl? What is it that's bothering you?"

Pearl stopped and stood there without moving, her eyes opened and her mouth opened, she didn't have any expression, her eyes seemed empty, a soft wind blew threw her hair.

 _"Help..."_

Lapis grabbed her in time, using her water bending Power's to catch Pearl before falling, her eyes still opened staring at Lapis now, but she couldn't hear the desperated gem, which was trying keep her face away from the sand. Keeping her from passing out, Pearl could not hear any of that, then her eyes slowly closed, she had totally lost consciousness.

 **The next chapter is going to be hopefully longer, hope you liked the first one anyway, and if you liked it please leave a review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ready for part 2! I didn't expect anyone to see it, but you guys showed me again how awesome you all are! Thank you really much for being so awesome! You are helping me a lot with my mental condition too and I just love writing fanfics for you! But let's start now should we.**

Lapis obviously knew, something was not right, she kept on shaking her, but gently in off as to not actually hurt her.

" I have to take her to the crystal gems, they surely know what's going on!"

So she packed Pearls light body, a shiver passed threw her body as she noticed how cold it felt, her gem was glowing in a unnatural way too, but that wasn't important now, she put one hand under her legs and one under her back, noticing how her Head just fell back, as if...as if her gem had cracked. She instantly looked at the gem again, but nothing, the gem didn't have any claw marks or scratches, it looked perfectly fine, but the fact that it glowed in such an unnatural way made her worry a bit, and her body couldn't be hurt either, because if it was, she would have had to retrieve in her gem and regenerate, but what was it then?

 _"No..Please...No.."_

Lapis looked very surprised down at Pearl which had just talked, she was shivering and tears were all over her front head, her head was bumping back and forth with a light movement, but she was still unconscious, wasn't she? Lapis hurried even more, maybe Pearl was hurt from the inside somehow, and now she was suffering. Even though, maybe sometimes it seemed like Pearl and Lapis weren't big friends, they had spent a lot of time together.

Back then when Lapis got trapped inside the mirror by a gem, when her only intention was to get away from earth, she was hoping for someone to find her and pick her up, she saw all the faces of these terrified gems, they were all running, she didn't know what they were running from, and one of these gems unfortunately walked on to her gem, cracking it, now she couldn't see anything, she just heard those desperate cries and shouts, days had passed, weeks, months, years... and one day she heard something, someone was using the Warp Pad, she shouted trying to be noticed, and finally a gem had picked her up, she couldn't see her face clearly since her gem was half cracked, her vision was blurry but what she heard was more then in off, to make her heart open.

"I can't just leave, such a beautiful and gorgeous mirror like you here can I? Even though I probably don't deserve you...

"I think you should keep it, it suits your elegant style."

The gem smiled and blushed.

"Really?! Thank you Rose! I will guard it with my life, how can anyone leave something so beautiful behind."

Lapis felt like she finally was accepted, she had found someone which wanted her and would have protected her, cause Pearl kept her promise, every day at the same time, Pearl went inside her room, took out the mirror and started talking about her feelings for Rose, sometimes she felt sad and Lapis tried to comfort her, sometimes they just laughed like crazy, but they always had a great time together, even though Pearl didn't know a Gem was trapped inside then the day came when everything had changed, Lapis was waiting like always for Pearl to enter the temple room, and she did, but instead of going to the mirror, she went to the cascades, looking right into her reflection, as tears started making they're way down, she just stayed there crying and crying. Then she sat down in a corner, hid her face in her knees and activated her gem, a pearl white spear with a beautiful design appeared, then she laughed.

"Don't worry...you won't be alone for long."

Her laugh intensified, and she slowly put the sharp end of the spear right to her gem, hesitating a bit first and silence roamed, then the tears came back, streams of them making they're way down her cheeks.

"You wouldn't want this would you..."

Lapis, didn't understand what was happening, she wanted to help, everyday the gem came in here to cry, suffer and think of suicide, and Lapis really wanted to help her, she thought that they were friends, but since she didn't talk anymore with her, she thought that Pearl had forgotten about her.

She blinked, and noticed that she had been standing still this entire time, having some sort of flashback, and then she looked down at her arm, Pearl was tightening her grip, maybe she wasn't unconscious, but that was not the problem, she didn't seem to have control over her body, Lapis just ran towards the temple as fast as she could, her blue hair blowing in the wind, there it was, she stayed still in front of the temple looking up at the gorgeous statue which seemed to hold the house the crystal gems live in, and as she looked more carefully she saw a silhouette, no two.

 **Amethysts view**

"Steven when did Lapis learn how to bend wooden sticks?"

"Idk, let's go ask her."

Amethyst was curious and ran towards the gem, with pink locks flying all around her face, partially covering her eyes.

"Seems like you have gotten faster?"

Steven blushed.

"Oh really?"

"But not fast in off to beat me in a race!"

Amethyst shapeshifted into a bike and ran as fast as she could...and then she stumbled.

"Hehehe that's what you get for cheating..."

Steven helped amethyst stand up, and they just walked closer to the water bending gem, noticing that the piece of wood was white, with yellow, pink and blue shades.

"Well that's a colorful Piece of wood."

Then they noticed something like a spike on one end of it, and they blinked two times before looking into each others eyes.

"Are you kidding me?"

They finally noticed thate even though Pearl had a very slender body, she wasn't exactly a piece of wood.

 **And this chapter ends here! I wanted to make it much longer but I like having many different chapters, this one wasn't really that awesome unfortunately, but I still hope you liked it. Please leave a review if you liked the story and see ya all soon.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Third chapter of the Pearl's memories fanfic incoming! Ready guys I have some stuff planned, which means this fanfiction is going to be longer then I expected.**

A tear fell on the tip of Pearls nose, and Lapis lowered her look to hide the blush which had taken form on her now deep blue cheeks. She wanted to talk, but felt paralyzed, so she hesitated a bit, she looked up at the two of them standing in front of her and since they were not going to say anything.

"She just fainted right in front of me and then..."

She looked up at them, Steven had tears in his eyes and Amethyst was rolling in the sand and laughing manically, her hair slowly getting covered in sand, as tears because of the laughter poured down in streams, she nearly suffocated in laughs, then she stood up.

"Ever heard of sleep? Hahhahahaha..."

Steven was kind of confused then he went further to her and heard a silent snoring coming from Pearl. Then he joined Amethyst on the ground, laughing even more then her.

"No, is it a gem disease? And why are you laughing?!"

They laughed even more, and she got really mad now, but she tried to ignore them, maybe Garnet could tell her what "sleep" was. Both of them were still giggling but they followed her to the temple.

"You never sleep Lapis?"

She didn't answer and thought about, what "sleep" was, since he said it like it was some she was slightly less worried about Pearl now, if Steven and Amethyst laughed about it, then it couuldn't be dangerous, right?

"This takes to much! Bye!"

She let wings appear on her back and within a couple of seconds she was high up in the sky, nearly the same color as it, making her way as fast as possible, but still in a gracious way to the temple, leaving the two wordless behind, Amethyst, took out her weapon and swung it the distant wooden fence in front of the house, taking Steven with her and crushing threw the entrance door, right into Lapis which fell and touched Pearl's gem which was still glowing, Garnet knew this was going to happen so she just waited on the couch, but she didn't know what was going to be seen in Pearl's dream.

 _"Your name is Pearl 1.9230 and you are going to work under the legacy of..."_

 _Pearl stood up, from the place she was laying on and approached the gem._

 _"I did not give you permission to stand up, I created you and you have to do as I say!"_

 _Pearl landed on the ground, she got slapped by the much taller gem, which looked down at her and was going to hit her again if it wasn't for the fact that pearl had dodged it._

 _"I didn't give you permission to dodge! You ae just a Pearl! You are nothing!"_

 _The gem started gathering up other gems which were around and took out they're weapons to attack Pearl._

 _"Disgusting! How dare you do what you want!"_

 _"You are the greatest shame of all!"_

 _"Even for being a Pearl you sure are stupid..."_

 _Pearl rolled around in pain, she touched her cheek, and saw a red liquid coming ...what did I do._

 _"Someone like her must be shattered! But let's make her suffer first!"_

 _"Great idea!"_

 _They all started hitting her with different weapons, making fun of her long nose and her ridiculous hair, they made her feel like she was nothing, because this is what a pearl should feel alike they said, Pearl are useless they said, just there to look pretty and obey, without a free will, and they could simply b replaced by any other Pearl so shattering her wouldn't even be a problem..._

 _"Why don't you try to stand up stupid thing! Oh right you are to weak to even do that! Hehehe"_

 _Pearl struggled a bit, but then she lowered her look, took out her weapon and used it as a wooden stick to barely stand on her thin legs, the other were pretty surprised and laughed at the gem which earlier thought she couldn't._

 _"You dare embarrassing me In front of my friends!? I'll shatter you!"_

 _Pearl didn't know what was happening, she just wanted to have...friends, and just some minutes after she had been created, she was going to be shattered? She felt bad, unwanted...and accepted her fate, holding the spear still proud in her hands though, and while the gem ran, engulfed with rage towards the sad gem, the time seemed to pass slower, and slower... and slower, until it felt like time had stopped, a simple move and her fate had changed forever._

 _"AAAAAHHHHHH"_

 _Pearl found herself laying on the ground, when her hands touched a read fluid, was this her's? But she couldn't feel any pain, then she looked up, and saw the source of it. She didn't want to, she didn't like the way that gem treated her, but she didn't want to...shatter her, by passing her spear right threw the now cracked gem._

 _"I...I... Didn't...I'm so-"_

 _"You are a MURDERER DROP DEAD!"_

 _One of the gems shouted pointing her finger to Pearl, which did not answer and kept on apologizing, with a firm look at nothing in particular, she then repeated the phrase "I guess nature is cruel...no...I am cruel" she was like hypnotized, and did not see the Gems rushing towards her with they're weapons pointed towards her. She regretted what she did, and saw he cracked gem suffering, right in front of her, with red eyes, and blood dripping._

 _"I don't want this, I didn't ask for this, I just wanted friends."_

 _Pearl had now finally given up, and dropped to her knees in front of the gem, tears dropping down, showing her reflection, but instead of seeing herself, she saw a selfish, murderer...she looked down at the gem, tormented by the pain, an smiled._

 _"I'm sorry..." she closed her eyes again, and just like before, it seemed like time had stopped but this time, she wasn't doing anything, she opened her eyes some seconds later, since she was a bit confused of what was happening, then she heard a female voice coming from in front of her._

 _"Are you okay?_

 _She opened her eyes and felt tears coming down her cheeks, who was this person, she saw a long white dress, and long pink hair falling perfectly down her back, like rose's, and in fornt of her a shield pink, like her perfect hair, the figure turned around and smiled as she saw that Pearl was better now._

 _"I'm Rose Quartz, and promise me one thing. Nobody should make you ever feel like nothing again, so don't let yourself be treated like that."_

 _Pearl's eyes widened, she had found someone which actually wanted to help her, she was the first and probably last one which would do that..._

 _"Thank you..."_

 _"Don't worry, my Pearl, and now let's go away from this place."_

 _Guys this is the end of the third chapter of Steven universe pearl's memories, again if you liked it please leave a review and tell me, what you would have changed, love you guys and see ya all! And remember_

 _"Don't let anyone ever treat you like you were nothing"_


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok guys finally the next Steven Universe " Pearls problem " is here! Be prepared some stuff is coming! Other than that have fun and thank you so much for all the support you are showing! Love you guys and I don't know how often I tell you! But let's get started!**

 _Pearl saw lots of different flashbacks like a movie in front of her, every single one with rose, she smiled and had fun, and then there were scenes of the gem war, she was on Rose's side and even poofed sometimes while fighting, but returned instantly, without caring about the damage her body had suffered, that was not important to her._

 _All of a sudden everything turned dark, she was sitting in a dark room, crouched together with her knees touching her nose and her face hidden between her legs, tears dropping down, an she closed her eyes to try and hide it, all of a sudden a tall figure stood up from the other end of the room and approached Pearl slowly as fog started making it's way around her legs, the figure slowly approached her and Pearl was talking or whispering something._

 _" No, No , goo away, I didn't want to, I didn't want to..."_

 _She repeated it and got faster and faster until her voice cracked, she was kinda scared, but she also seemed like she regretted something, the figure suddenly stopped and had an evil smile making its way on her lips._

 _" You think this world is cruel...Pathetic, You are cruel! and you are a MURDERER!"_

 _Wounds slowly opened on the gems body, but she still smiled and looked down at Pearl, she wanted to show her how disgusted she felt, and that she was worthless, the wounds got even more and more and blood started dripping out of them, it seemed like the bloodstream would never end, a puddle formed around the tall gems body, Pearl put her hands on her Head, crushing them against her skull._

 _"No,No,No,No! I didn't want this!"_

 _She looked down into the blood puddle, and had a shocked expression when she looked closely, she did not see her face, she saw the face of a...murderer, she backed away from it into a corner of the room, but the blood got more and more, and covered the whole room creating a lake, and it already got to Pearls knees, and it did not seem like the bloodstream was going to stop, the blood felt sticky and seemed to keep Pearls legs and arms attached, she could not move and felt chains building up on her legs. She heard a familiar voice and saw a blue creature on the bottom of the blood lake._

 _" Why didn't you talk to me again!? What did I do to you!?"_

 _Pearl was shocked and felt her tears pouring down again, and they disappeared she wasn't able to talk, she wanted to tell her how sorry she felt, she had fallen is such a deep depression, but instead she just cried without beeing able to tell her..._

 _" I guess that you will understand how I felt, cause this going to be your prison..."_

 _And with those words she left pearl alone, on the bottom chained and crying desperately, she didn't want this, she was sorry, was she maybe really the cruel one, she felt left all by herself and wanted to end this right now, right here._

 _" If I leave no one will care anyway..._ "

Than Garnet approached Pearl which was still laying on the couch and slapped her on the face.

" Don' ever say anything like that again!"

Pearl touched her cheek and slowly stood, but Garnet had grabbed her shoulders and was shaking them heavily, her glasses removed as she was trying to keep her tears from dropping, but they would not stop.

" You can't say something like that! You can't...You can't just say that we don't care about you!"

She lost her form and unfused, now Ruby was standing infront of her ith a tear making it's way down as she had a angry expression, while Sapphire was holding Pearls hand, crying, and it seemed like she could not stop.

" Pearl...do you really think this little of us..."

Pearl felt her tears coming down again as she said that, and noticed that Amethyst was standing behind, with a really shocked and at the same time disappointed expression in her eyes, she had covered both her eyes with her long hair, then she started whimpering and the attention turned to her.

"Pearl! I thought... I really thought that we were best friends! Even though sometimes we fight, we always find a way to have fun, and I thought you knew ho much you matter to all of us!"

Pearl felt even more tears come down her face, what had she said in her dream? Did she really just forget about everyone just like this? She felt guilty and tried to hide her emotions again as she felt two hands hugging her from behind. She tried to turn around but couldn't.

"I'm sorry...but I felt forgotten...I didn't want to make you worry like this though, I would never want anyone to get threw what I got threw, especially not my friend..."

" I am the one who is sorry, it's just, I can't get past it, I can't do anything without her-"

"YOU CAN!"

Steven approached her with tears in his eyes, and hugged her legs.

"You have always been like a Mom to me, even if I did something wrong, you never really got mad, instead you tried to help and understand, so why can't it be the other way around?!"

She felt like a weight had been removed from her chest, they were right, she was not alone they were here, and they wanted her, they did not see her as a murderer, they did not see her as a friend either, she was much closer she was part of the family, and they were probably the only once other then Rose which thought of her like this.

 **Guys I know this is an awkward ending to this fanfic, but I did not have any other ideas, I hope you liked it anyway! Pls if you did leave a review, and I am definitely going to write more Steven Universe fanfics so don't worry about that, and have an awesome day!**


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